Are you tired of being a loser with no followers or likes? Well, look no further, because [insert social network name] is here to help you become a social media superstar! 

Just sign up, follow a bunch of random people, and spam them with the same generic comments like "nice pic!" and "love your profile!" And don't forget to use tons of hashtags that have nothing to do with your content, because that's the key to success, baby!

Need more followers? No problem! Just buy them from shady websites or use those annoying follow-for-follow pods where everyone pretends to be interested in each other's