YO YO YO EVERYONE! WE GOT SOME SICK NEW FEATURES TO SHARE WITH ALL OUR HOMIES HERE ON [Social Network]!

FIRST OFF, WE JUST RELEASED A BRAND SPANKIN' NEW FILTER THAT WILL MAKE ALL YOUR SELFIES LOOK LIKE THEY WERE TAKEN IN THE 80s. #VIBES

ALSO, WE'RE SUPER STOKED TO ANNOUNCE OUR NEW PARTNERSHIP WITH [ANOTHER COMPANY]. THIS MEANS YOU CAN NOW LINK YOUR ACCOUNTS AND HAVE DOUBLE THE FUN. #SYNERGY

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! WE'RE GIVING