Attention all social media addicts! Are you tired of boring, meaningful conversations with real people? Do you want to waste your time scrolling through mindless content and ads? Then look no further, because [insert social media network's name] is here to drain your brain cells!

We've got everything you could possibly not need: posts about people's meals, political rants from your racist uncle, and pictures of dogs dressed up in stupid outfits. Plus, we'll bombard you with more ads than you've ever seen before! Who doesn't love being sold useless products?

But wait, there's more! We'll also collect your personal information