Hey there, ya'll! It's your favorite social network speaking! We've got some MAJOR news for ya today!

First off, we're excited to announce our BRAND NEW feature that allows you to SPAM your friends and followers with tons of useless content that nobody cares about! We call it the "Spam-o-matic 3000" and it's just waiting for you to give it a spin!

But wait, there's MORE! Introducing our newest line of emojis, including the ever-popular "pile of poo" and "middle finger"! Now you can REALLY express yourself without using any pesky words!

