So it’s 2018, Christmas time, and I noticed this year something was missing, Star Wars! Yeah we’ve all gotten a bit used to the Star Wars tradition of a new movie during the month of December, at least I have. Last year I was so damn pumped for ‘The Last Jedi’ and even though I personally thought it was a disaster there was still that excitement going into it during Christmas time. Well this year Disney has left us all with nothing Star Wars related this holiday season. But wait…
Luckily someone has stepped in and delivered one hell of a fan film in it’s place. You see, one of the best Star Wars Youtube channels around, Star Wars Theory, has produced a new short film, actually the first part of a series, and it’s fantastic. With a budget of around one hundred thousand bucks they’ve delivered something that in my opinion rivals some of the cinematic stuff, no question. This follows the rage and fury Darth Vader felt after the events of Episode 3 and his relationship explored with The Emperor. I think Disney could learn a few things from Star Wars Theory on how to produce content fans actually want. Eat your heart out Darth Vader fanatics!
Well it’s that time of the year yet again and boy does time sure fly huh?! Yep another damn Christmas is comin’ and of course it’s the prime time to watch a plethora of holiday movies. One genre the “Christmas themed” horror movie, is easily one of my favorites. I’ve gotta say though it’s been a few years since I’ve actually seen anything that truly knocked my socks off ho-ho-holiday horror-wise that is.
2015 brought one of my favorites of all time, “Krampus”, which I’m sure to watch again this year and then just five years earlier another true classic “Rare Exports” dropped. So now it’s nearing the end of 2018, let’s take a quick look at what’s stirring about this year and see if there are any possible gems to watch between now and Christmas time!!
All The Creatures Were Stirring
So I watched this one last night, hoping it was going to become another holiday horror classic, sadly this just wasn’t the case. This Christmas anthology has it’s few moments but overall it’s a largely forgettable yuletide dud. It features six short Christmas themed segments, the best being one called “Dash and Away” which is kinda like a holiday themed short with a sort of Tales From The Crypt “Demon Knight” type of thingy going on. The rest features a lackluster take on a modern day Scrooge, a secret Santa office party going for a Saw type vibe, some pissed off killer reindeer which should have been awesome and the plot of others I’ve already forgotten. Also no sight of snow anywhere within these unspooky tales. If you’re really desperate this isn’t the worst thing you could watch but it’s surely no “Gremlins”. If you’re looking for a Christmas anthology check out ‘A Christmas Horror Story’ from 2015, that ones a much more ambitiously bonkers Holiday horror flick.
Anna and The Apocalypse
Here’s one lots of people are kinda ranting about lately, it’s a Christmas Zombie musical. I’m planning on checking this one out, but honestly I’m not a big fan of musicals and I’ve been steering clear of zombie movies for a while now as the whole craze at this point is just too played out for me these days. But hey I’m gonna give it a try soon regardless, why not?! here’s the synopsis: “A zombie apocalypse threatens the sleepy little town of Little Haven – at Christmas – forcing Anna and her friends to fight, slash and sing their way to survival, facing the undead in a desperate race to reach their loved ones. But they soon discover that no one is safe in this new world, and with civilization falling apart around them, the only people they can truly rely on are each other.”
Yeah well here’s another one that in theory sounds like it might be a pretty sweet holiday horror, but then you watch the trailer and, well….I’ll probably pass. It looks like someone with a low budget was giving it an honest shot but the trailer does little to inspire me to seek this one out for a watch. Here’s the synopsis tho in case you’re feelin’ it with this one: “A group of college students attending a Christmas party at a sorority house that has a sinister past are all stalked by a bloodthirsty killer disguised as Mrs. Claus.’
Nope this isn’t a re-release of the 1989 classic schlock horror movie starring Dan Haggerty. This appears to be some sort of sequel to a movie called “Elf” not the awesome Will Ferrell one either, but another supremely lackluster one from maybe a year ago. Here’s the synopsis: “When a group of friends discover ancient elves locked in a cursed chest, they unknowingly unleash their wrath on the world.” Again, no snow in sight! If you’re going to make a crappy X-mas movie at least get some damn snow! Instead I recommend the Dan Haggerty flick of the same name-that one is awesomely idiotic!
Here’s yet another “killer in Santa costume” horror flick, this time all the way from Norway. To tell you the truth I’m pretty burned out on the whole “killer santa” thing, there’s great movies out there that were made in the 1980’s that do it best. But if you just can’t seem to get enuff of the genre then maybe Christmas Blood will be a must see for you! Here’s the synopsis: ” A murderer gets caught after terrorizing and killing people during Christmas night for past 13 years in Norway. After being in solitary for almost 6 years, psychopath escapes couple days before Christmas night. Police tracks next target of the psychopath to be in small village in the northernmost part of Norway. Group of friends are having reunion in the same village and unexpectedly end up being in part of Santa’s plan.” Hey at least this one takes place somewhere with snow! That being said if you’re looking for in my opinion the BEST killer Santa movie you must track down “Deadly Games” aka “Dial Code Santa” from 1989. It’s a rare french horror film that’s finally getting some attention here in the states this year, a mix of Rambo, Silent Night Deadly Night & Home alone!
I’m actually kinda excited to check out Pooka which is part of Hulu’s anthology series “Into the Dark”, It’s been referred to as Twilight Zone-ish type of horror outing and the whole concept sounds pretty interesting, I’m gonna check this one out for sure this Christmas, here’s the sysnopsis: “A struggling actor gets a holiday season job as a Christmas character in a plush suit to promote the hottest toy of the year, Pooka; he slowly develops two personalities – one when he’s in the suit and one that’s outside it.” It’s concept certainly beats another new “killer in a Santa costume” flick.
So that seems about it this year, are there any missing that I need to see or mention? Let me know!
So it’s happening Nightmare on Elm Street fans! Robert Englund is indeed returning as the iconic character Freddy Krueger, but not quite in the way we’d all been hoping for the last 15 years. “The Goldbergs” is an ABC sitcom that apparently takes place in the 1980’s and I’m gonna admit it, I’d never heard of it before as I don’t watch “regular” TV anymore. But one of the upcoming Halloween episodes of the show will indeed feature Robert Englund in the role of Freddy Krueger once more. Here’s the synopsis:
“Despite Beverly’s wishes, Jackie’s parents allow Adam to watch A Nightmare on Elm Street and a disagreement between the families ensues. But Beverly dreams of facing off with horror icon Freddy Krueger (guest star Robert Englund), which teaches her an important lesson about her son’s relationship with Jackie. Meanwhile, Erica realizes she’s not as popular as she once was as she starts hanging out at William Penn Academy despite the fact she’s no longer a student there.”
Here’s a pic from the upcoming show:
Anyway I’m really hoping that this might inspire some sort of real legit campaign to get Rob to Return in the iconic role for another movie. He still looks totally awesome as ol’ Fred and I’m certain fans would be more than ecstatic for another movie with him in the classic role!! With the popularity of the upcoming installment of Halloween “H40” featuring Jamie Lee Curtis it seems more possible than ever that perhaps we might actually see another Nightmare on Elm Street movie with Robert. In the meantime I guess I’ll check this TV show out, just to get a glance at Englund on the sitcom! Finger blades crossed that this leads to something more!! Check this shit out!
“The Goldbergs,” WEDNESDAY, OCT. 24 (8:00-8:30 p.m. EDT), on The ABC Television Network. (ABC/John Fleenor)
So Friday afternoon I checked out ‘The Predator’, the latest comedy from director Shane Black, the 5th installment to the movie franchise if you include those AVP films. I’d been pumped for this thing to drop as a big fan of the original, which back in 1987 was the first R-rated movie I saw in the theaters. It was also the first movie I’d ever snuck into. I can still remember my friend and I’s reaction to witnessing ‘Predator’ on the big screen after sneaking in, which itself was pretty exciting actually, it was a truly epic cinematic event I’ll never forget and one of those moments growing up that shaped my obsession of movies to current day. I love Predator and the best thing about the movie is that it STILL holds up as one of the best action/horror/scifi flicks of all time. So yeah, naturally when I’d heard Shane Black, who’d actually starred in the original film and Fred Dekker (Monster Squad, Night of the Creeps) was writing it, my hopes for a truly iconic return to form for the Predator franchise was indeed very high.
Well the verdict is in folks, and as a longtime fan, I’m sorry to say the movie blows. After seeing the trailers, I was certainly cautious going into this one, but still was quite certain if anyone was going to deliver the goddamn goods this time around it’d have be Shane Black. That however was certainly not the case. ‘The Predator’ is a full blown comedy and not a good one, in fact it was a bit awkward in the theater as their attempts at jokes fell quite flat most of the time to a rather quiet and unenthusiastic audience. I guess the best way to describe it is it’s attempting to be a Marvel movie version of the Predator. This seems to be the trend these days in these bloated blockbusters, interrupting any potentially serious moments in a movie with some sort of “witty” Marvel-esque attempt at a joke. I’ve gotta say I’m over it. Long gone is the horror/slasher, suspense of the original films instead we’ve got utterly bland characters entrenched in one truly moronic adventure.
I could care less about this movie’s characters, in fact at one point I was hoping for the Predator to destroy them all just so they’d stop cracking unfunny jokes. All of them are totally generic, even the little kid is just a total bore and probably had no place even being in a Predator movie, especially this one which I found out has some weird ass controversy surrounding it. I’m not going to give a play by play either, as so many people out there have already reviewed this stinker. I’ll get down to the real meat and potatoes here, the Predator at least looked good, that is until the bigger CGI Predator and his lame ass CG dogs shows up to take a big dump on that aspect of things as well. Let’s not even discuss how dumb the Predator dog subplot is here, it’s just not worth the time, lets just say it’s another example of The Predator’s piss poor writing. There’s also tons of “call back” joke lines thrown around here from previous movies in the franchise, apparently Shane thinks that shit is still really a big treat for the fans, as a fan I can truly say it’s not.
The movie is just one big dumb, poorly edited, poorly paced, boring mess of a movie. For the longest time I was hoping that Arnold would return in this film as Dutch from the 1987 classic. I wanted it so bad. After seeing 2018’s ‘The Predator’ I’m actually fully relieved that he declined the cameo Shane Black had offered him. This movie didn’t deserve to have Dutch to make an appearance. As far as ranking the films, this one just might be the worst of the batch, I actually would rather watch the two AVP movies before trudging through this thing again. I’d say after this it just might be time to retire the franchise for good. I’m still amazed Shane Black and Fred Dekker could drop the ball this badly, but alas they served us all a bonafide shit sandwich. Good riddance Predator, I’m sad to say it but I’m not gonna miss you….
So for the time being I’ve taken a break from buying comic books weekly as they are pretty damn pricey these days and honestly there really weren’t too many titles that really grabbed and made it worth the weekly cash drop. As a huge fan of The Incredible Hulk ever since I was a little kid, I’ve got to admit I do miss reading about the adventures of the “Jade Giant” and really couldn’t get into the whole “Totally Awesome Hulk” stuff. The Banner Hulk was killed off a couple years back and it seemed perhaps that the original green goliath was gone for good (or at least for the time being as no one is ever really dead in Marvel Universe). Well now there’s a new HULK book out called The Immortal Hulk and my curiosity has been sparked as the first issue dropped in June and it’s been referred to as a return to form for the Banner Hulk. I’ll probably wait for the trade but I’ve gotta say this Variant cover by Sal Buscema sure does give me the goosebumps longing for a nostalgic old school Hulk adventure!!!
Now here’s a new crazy looking monster movie that looks pretty damn sweet and totally ready to quench my thirst for those gooey creature features of the 80’s! There’s something about most modern monster movies that just doesn’t cut the cake for me, I’m rarely convinced these days that a CGI creation is much of a threat on screen, as they don’t really look like they’re actually there in the flesh. Rather floating around on a separate computerized layer. So as much as I loved “A Quiet Place” the monsters were probably my least favorite thing about the movie. Give me an 80’s classic like ‘The Thing’, ‘The Blob’, ‘Gremlins’ or even something like “Neon Maniacs” any day of the damn week!
Judging by the new trailer for “Book of Monsters” I might’ve just found the kind of movie I’m looking for. It looks like a long lost 80’s creature feature in the best way possible. The premise sounds like a fun time as well, besides the whole “evil book” thing which might be considered a bit played out at this point, it still looks like a ton of gory fun filled with a lots of old school practical fx monster mayhem.
“Sophie’s 18th birthday party becomes a total bloodbath when six horrific monsters descend upon her home, intent on devouring the party guests and killing anyone who tries to escape their clutches. As her school friends are ripped to shreds and eaten, Sophie must rally a band of misfits and take up arms to send their party crashers back to the depths of hell. To survive the night, Sophie will face her destiny; monsters are real – and she’s the only one who can stop them.”
Check out the trailer, this one’s set to drop on August 25th..
I’m always totally down to see a killer new Sasquatch flick, the trouble is there’s been a LOT of pretty crappy ones made over the years with maybe just a few exceptions like Eduardo Sanchez’s ‘Exists’, ‘Abominable’ from 2006 and of course the classic ‘Harry and The Hendersons’. For some reason people have a tuff time bringing a believable Bigfoot to the big screen. Go figure. That leaves me believe people seem to think all they need is a tall dude to don an ape suit and they’ve got a worthy horror on their hands. The best ones though always put most of their money into their ‘Squatch creature fx and bring something truly believable to screen. Let’s face it, so many out there are faking Bigfoot videos on Youtube with rubber ape suits, believing what you’re seeing on screen is real is the first point of brilliance in a movie like this. Luckily “Primal Rage” is directed by fx wizard Patrick Magee (Jurassic Park 3/Progeny/AVP) and he put some serious effort into the crazed creature’s appearance in this movie. The best thing about this one is clearly the beast and that’s a damn good thing in this case.
Primal Rage’s actors aren’t trying to (or maybe even able to) win awards here and it’s got more in common at it’s core with a 70’s or 80’s killer creature flick than it does with something like Jurassic Park. The script is here might be a bit on the flimsy side but that makes way for tons of crazy Bigfoot action to go down. The premise is simple, an ex-con is just released from prison and picked up there by his girlfriend, as they drive through the mountains of Pacific Northwest (en route back home) they get side tracked when a mangled man stumbles into the road and is hit by their car. When they get out to investigate they almost immediately come under attack from large rocks being hurled at them, ex-con guy gets knocked off a cliff into a river and his lover jumps down to save him from drowning. This begins a fight for their lives in the woods are they’re pursued by “Oh-Mah” a pissed off native american mythical cryptid, AKA Sasquatch.
The interesting thing here is that “Oh-Mah” is actually an intelligent, brutal hunter who wears a bark mask and uses a bevy of handcrafted weapons to attack his prey. He also fucks shit up with his bare hands any chance he gets. He’s brutal as hell in this one, firing arrows and ripping people to shreds who’re dumb enough to hanging around in his stompin’ grounds. Bigfoot’s a calculated cold blooded killer here and there’s plenty of people for him to rip into, especially as there’s conveniently a gang of backwoods weirdos ala Deliverance who’re in desperate need of an ass-kickin shooting the shit in the vicinity. Bigfoot pulls no punches either, Magee pulls out some crazy ass sequences of practical gore a’plenty and his Bigfoot, “Oh-Mah” looks fantastic. He’s huge and it’s clear they put plenty of work into his animatronic face to make him a convincing and memorable movie monster.
There’s also a sweet supernatural sub-plot going on with the local Native American sheriff who’s out for Oh-Mah’s hide (this dude should have been the main character) and a crazy wood witch who looks like she stepped right out of Ridley Scott’s “Legend”. Magee does a fine job here creating a ton of cool action sequences and an explosive ‘final boss’ battle. Bigfoot does have a questionable scene where he forces himself upon a female captive that I could have done without, but luckily it’s a brief, more implied scene. Otherwise this one’s a ton of gory fun that’s not to be taken too seriously. It’s a good mix of Predator, Pumpkinhead & Deliverance with some ‘Squatch making it it one of the best of it’s genre. A must see addition to Bigfoot’s horror legacy!