KEY LARGO, FL – Manigator flees arrest at a McCain rally where he bit a man he claimed was “Un-American.”
During a rally for the Republican presidential candidate, proceedings were halted by a sudden commotion at the back of the open air venue. A young Latino man was flailing hysterically at what appeared to be a small alligator biting his pants, while screaming “I told you man, I’m Puerto Rican!”
After being shaken loose, the creature yelled back, “Damn Mexicans, taking our jobs!” He then went on to make lurid passes at several of the campaign’s interns. The small cryptid slurred much of his speech and witnesses say he smelled of cheap whiskey.
Police and wildlife officers arrived on the scene shortly thereafter to apprehend the manigator. However, he avoided capture for thirty minutes while shouting expletives about being denied free speech. Eventually he was able to slip under a fence and make a run back to the swamp.
Police tracked Manigator through the swamp for hours, following a trail of menthol cigarette packs and frequent yells of “Get ‘er Done!”
The human-reptile hybrid is still at large.