1. What course would you prefer to take as an elective or breadth requirement?
a) Field Ecology
b) American History
c) Fluid Mechanics
2. What would your last Tinder date say about you?
a) “Immaculately-groomed facial hair.”
b) “Glowing red eyes — soooo dreamy!”
c) “The long neck is a bit weird, but I love the British accent.”
d) “Great with animals!”
3. What do you like to snack on between classes?
a) Honestly, anything. Soya samosas are good, though.
b) Does BUGS sell bugs? If so, that.
c) Goldfish crackers; also fish & chips at Molly’s.
d) Mmmm, nothing like the fresh blood of goats.
4. What building do you prefer to hang out in?
a) Environment 3 — the plants remind me of home.
b) The roof of Dana Porter — heights don’t bother me.
c) Physical Activities Complex — pool is lyfe.
d) Not on campus, but the petting zoo in Waterloo Park is … delectable.
5. What do you wear around campus?
a) A fur coat and barefoot; I’m a bit of a sneakerhead, but it’s hard to find extra-extra-extra large Yeezys.
b) A long, flowing cape, and I’m not even the most weirdly-dressed person around.
c) Swimsuit — gotta be ready to go for a dive at any time.
d) A scarf, so no one sees my huge fangs. Definitely not a stereotypical, stupid sombrero!
If you got…
Mostly a: You are the Bigfoot, also known as British Columbia’s Sasquatch. You can survive even the most ancient, coldest, draftiest, Brutalist classrooms.
Mostly b: You are the Mothman, West Virginian terror. If you miss the iXpress, you can always fly to campus.
Mostly c: You are the Loch Ness Monster, aquatic mystery of Scotland. Consider living in Columbia Lake, rent-free!
Mostly d: You are the Chupacabra, menace of Mexico. You have a ravenous appetite, but you may have met your match in the local geese.
Mostly e: You’re the rarest cryptid of all. I’m honestly not sure how you managed to answer e at all, or even how you exist.